When Bad Anime Gets Worse!
by Sovios Falchion Romantic
Summary: A SoFaRo Original. The digidestined invade Hyrule! It's up to the casts of miscellaneous video games, as well as 4 authors, to stop them! Cowritten by Inviso, myself, and Mecha Scorpion, as well as a fourth author, whom we haven't found yet! Interested? D
1. The Story Unfolds

When bad anime gets worse!

Chapter 1: The story unfolds...

By: Inviso Inc. of the Four Elements

Ahhh, it's good to be back at FF.N! Didja miss me?

Blondegoddessychs: You suck!

Yeah, f--k you too. --Immolates blondegoddessychs with a flame-thrower-- Anyway, this is a fic I shall be co-writing with my disciple, Sovios Falchion Romantic, as well as Mecha Scorpion, and... --Reads the script-- Who? Anyway! On with the fic!

Disclaimer: I am God and you know it! However, I do not own any of the following characters. Sovios owns Angel and himself, and the other authors own themselves as well. In addition, I own Lex.

Dateline: Hyrule Castle Town. Link was walking around, minding his own business, when all of a sudden, the Digidestined appeared and began throwing hot dogs at him.

Link: WTF! YRU throwng H-dogs at me?

They then proceeded to chuck Krispy Kremes at him. Meanwhile, I had stumbled upon them, and, (being the awesomely cool guy I am) tried valiantly to stop them from wasting perfectly delicious donuts on a stupid prank. But alas, my efforts were in vain, as they merely began throwing horrible Pokémon yaoi (both hentai and lemons) at me until I fell down and curled up into the fetal position. Then they left, and Katt and Aisha happened upon me.

Inviso: Ash, Misty, Brock, Gary, Pikachu, and Professor Oak... the horror...

Katt: --Reads the narrative-- I thought they bombarded you with yaoi...

Inviso: They DID, dammit!

Aisha: Oh, ew...

Katt: Well, let's get going, then, Invi. --Picks up Inviso and throws him over her shoulder--

Inviso: --BIG grin--

They arrived at Hyrule Castle, where the noble Princess Zelda was already taking steps to thwart the impending crisis.

Zelda: zZzZzZz...

I said, WHERE THE NOBLE PRINCESS ZELDA WAS ALREADY TAKING STEPS TO THWART THE IMPENDING CRISIS!

Zelda: --Wakes up-- Huh? Oh yeah! --Begins taking steps to thwart the impending crisis--

Her first act was to assemble a crack team of characters from the finest video games known to man, as well as some random people. Then she summoned the Four Elements, who are really the authors writing this fic! They are:

Inviso, with the power of Oddity!

Sovios Falchion Romantic, with the power of Perversion!

Mecha Scorpion, with the power of Satire!

And Mystery Author, with the power of... Mystery!

Alone they are each a mighty force, but together, they are unstoppable! ...At least, that was what she hoped. She quickly called the meeting to order in the War Room.

Zelda: Order! ORDER! HEY, RM, QUIT RUNNING AROUND!

Running Man: Oh, my bad! --Takes off the Bunny Hood and sits down--

Zelda: Anyway! You have all been called here b3c4u53... H3Y 1NV150! QU17 M4K1N6 M3 741K 1N 1337-5P34K!

Inviso: BUT IT'S FUN!

Zelda: 7H3N Y0U D0 17!

Inviso: 0-K4Y!

Zelda: Crazy-ass bastard...

Inviso: 7H47 1 4M!

Saria: Hey, how come you diss AOL-speak but not Leet-speak?

Inviso: BECAUSE I, TOO, HAVE BECOME A HYPOCRITE!

Saria: ARE YOU CALLING ME A HYPOCRITE!

Inviso: WHAT IF I AM!

Inviso and Saria got into a shouting match until Zelda came in there and smacked them around a bit. Then they settled down.

Zelda: Right then. Anyway, the reason you have been called here is that the Digidestined have unleashed the worst plague ever to hit our shores.

All others: WORSE THAN POP MUSIC?

Zelda: Many times worse. I'm talking about... POKÉMON YAOI!

All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THE HORROR!

Zelda: Well, now we must discuss the plan by which we shall thwart their own ambitions.

Yuffie: Does it involve Materia?

Zelda: Probably not.

Rauru & Palmer: Does it involve tea? With lots of sugar and honey and, oh yeah, don't forget the lard!

Zelda: ...It does not involve tea, with or without lard.

Rikku: Oooh, does it involve spheres?

Yuffie: That reminds me, I have a bone to pick with you! You're just a f--king rip-off of me! And this whole "Sphere Hunter" crap? Hello! Materias ARE spheres!

Rikku: What, you wanna fight? --Puts on her Godhand--

Yuffie: As a matter of fact, I do! --Whips out her Conformer--

Zelda: Hey! You can't fight in here, this is the War Room!

Rikku & Yuffie: --Hang their heads-- We're sorry.

--Note: The reason I have Rikku putting on her Godhand instead of Spherechanging to Dark Knight is because, let's be honest, FFX-2 really sucked ass out the piehole. And anyone who says it didn't is either on drugs or just in a deep state of denial.--

Squall: Does it involve GFs at all?

Zelda: I don't think so.

Squall: Good. I can't afford to lose any more memories.

Zelda: Anyway, let's get back to business-- Yes, MS?

Mecha: First of all, why ARE the Digidestined here?

Zelda: Because they want to blackmail the creators of Pokémon into halting the series.

Mystery: They really should, it sucks!

Sovios: Yeah, Pokémon reached perfection at Crystal, now they're just trying to make more money.

Zidane: Is anyone else here completely lost?

Sovios: Nope-- --Double-take--ZIDANE? --To Zelda-- I thought you were supposed to have assembled a crack team of characters from all the BEST games!

Zelda: I did.

Sovios: BUT FINAL FANTASY IX SUCKED HOT WET ASS!

Zidane: Hey, how do you know about that?

Garnet: Zidane! --Smacks him--

Sovios: Okay, that's just wrong...

Mystery Author: ...--Sweatdrop--

Master Chief: ...so, what should we do? Do you want me to just find these guys and blow their heads off?

Zelda: That won't work. They've somehow developed Authorial powers.

Authors: WHAT?

Zelda: Yep. Fortunately, they haven't mastered them yet, and can only use them at close range. But, as soon as you got within shooting range of them, they could sense you and turn your gun into something far less pleasant for you to hold.

Master Chief: So how are we supposed to defeat them?

Dart: Even Dragoons aren't immune to Authorial magic...

Zelda: Okay, here's the plan...

2bc!

What? I ran out of ideas, okay! Besides, I've gotta leave SOME stuff left for the other authors to do! Okay, next up to write a chapter is my dear, dear friend, Sovios, so it should be coming soon. You've read, so now... Review! I COMMAND YOU! Note: By the way, the MYSTERY AUTHOR thing is just until we find a fourth author for the fic. Anyone interested, drop Sovios a line at his e-mail address, which can be found in his bio. You'll need your own ASCII signature, though...

/ Inviso

XX/


	2. Now It Gets Weird

When Bad Anime Gets Worse!

Chapter 2: Now it gets weird...

By: Sovios Falchion Romantic of the Four Elements

Disclaimer: I own Angel and myself. Oh, and I own my arm-blades and my kites. (Ha! I've finally learned how to dual-wield!) I do not own anything else. NOTE: The Katt from Breath of Fire 2 will be known simply as Katt, while the Katt from StarFox will be known as SFKatt.

Scene: The War Room.

Zelda: Okay, here's the plan...

SoFaRo: Yes?

Zelda: What we're gonna do is...

Inviso: Uh-huh?

Zelda: Will you two stop interrupting me!

Both: Nope.

Zelda: Well, whatever. We're gonna enlist the aid of the DWS!

All: The what?

Zelda: The Drunken Waitresses' Society!

SoFaRo: Uh-huh. And exactly HOW is a collection of dipsophiliac hostesses going to aid us in our mission to rid our fair sovereign state of theseperverse hellions?

Zelda: Saywa?

SoFaRo: How are a bunch of drunken waitresses gonna help us get rid of the Digidestined?

Zelda: I... don't know!

--Everyone facefaults--

Link: Well, least it's not Ganondorf.

SoFaRo: The hell? Why are you still talking like an NSuck reject?

Link: WTF RU talking about?

Inviso: You're still talking in AOL-speak.

Link: OMG, IM!

Lex: This retard is the Hero of Time?

Karo: I couldn't believe it either.

Tatl: Hey, have some respect! This guy has saved Hyrule!

Lex: Yeah, well so have I.

Karo: Hey, I helped!

Lex: Nobody said you didn't.

Zelda: Who the hell are you?

Lex: I am Lex, hero of the Dark Triforce!

Zelda: And what game are you from?

Inviso: Actually, he's from my fanfic, The Razor Sword Chronicles.

Zelda: Riiight...

SoFaRo: Hey, if Inviso's allowed to have an original character here, I want one too! --Angel Dantes walks in--

Angel: Hey Sovi.

SoFaRo: Hey Angel. Did you hear?

Angel: About the Digidestined? Yep.

SoFaRo: Cool. Got any plans to get rid of them?

Angel: Why should we get rid of them? I hate Pokémon.

SoFaRo: That's beside the point! If they successfully blackmail Game Freak, what's to stop them from blackmailing all the other game developers! I won't be able to make MY video game!

Angel: But you're not even a developer yet.

SoFaRo: Well, I WAS gonna put you in one of them, but...

Angel: Okay, I'm in.

Zelda: Objection! Don't we have ENOUGH anthropomorphs for you perverts to ogle?

Invi/Sovi: Nope.

Zelda: Tch, fine...

Krystal: Exactly what do you have against anthropomorphs?

Zelda: Nothing. My problem lies with the perverts with a fetish for them.

SoFaRo: Look who's talking, Little Miss "I-have-pictures-of-Fox-and-Falco!"

Zelda: Gasp! YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL ANYONE!

Falco: What? --To Fox-- I thought you destroyed those pictures!

Fox: I threw them out!

SFKatt: Hah! I always knew you two were as queer as a thirty-dollar bill!

--Krystal runs out of the room crying, followed by Fox trying to comfort her--

Zelda: Way to go, jackass, you just broke those two up!

SoFaRo: Oh, boo-hoo, Krystal sucks anyway. They only put her in in a vain attempt to prove Fox is straight.

Falco: You know, we were both drunk that night...

SoFaRo: What about all the following nights! Or the night this video was made! --Holds up a videotape.--

Falco: Touché... --SFKatt is laughing her ass off-- Hey, shut up! We all know about you and--

Zelda: Hey! This may be fun to talk about, but it's not getting anything done! We need a plan!

SoFaRo: Oh, sorry. Hey, I have one. How about we distract the Digidestined by having a band play something off Metallica's "Master of Puppets" and then, while they're rocking out, we-- umm... --Picks up a cellphone and dials a number-- Hey, Shadow? What should we do about the Digidestined? Mm-hmm, 'kay. --Hangs up-- Shadow says we should drop them into a pit of tentacle monsters, but I figure they'd enjoy it too much. What sayest thou, MS?

Mecha: What if they start throwing yaoi at the band?

SoFaRo: Well, I'll simply put up a barrier around them beforehand! It's foolproof!

Zelda: It's proof you're a fool.

Inviso: Hey! No clichés! --Throws lox at Zelda--

Zelda: Eewww! What is this, fish crap?

Inviso: Yeah, but people like to eat it on bagels for some reason. Irregardless--

Rauru: Grammatical error! Ho ho!

Inviso: --Glares at Rauru, then leaps into the air and dives at him with a spear-- DIIIIIE! --Bounces off-- The f--k?

SoFaRo: Oh, I forgot to mention, his durable fat exterior protects him from all direct attacks.

Inviso: WELL THANKS FOR THE F--KIN' BACKSTORY! --Sits back down--

Freya: Hey, how dare you use my signature Jump attack!

Inviso: I've been jumping since before you were even an idea, Freya!

Freya: What!

SoFaRo: It's true.

Freya: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! --Runs up to a wall and starts beating her head off it-- ALL THAT I KNOW IS A LIE!

Inviso: No, Freya--

Freya: A LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE! --Hits her head off the wall extra hard-- xX

SoFaRo: Dammit!

Inviso: Tell me about it...

Zelda: I thought you two hated FFIX.

Inviso: But Freya was hot!

SoFaRo: And she and Amarant were actually somewhat interesting, unlike the others...

Inviso: I don't know, Vivi had his moments too...

Zidane: Hey, where is Amarant?

Zelda: Why don't we all go look and find him immediately on our first try?

Zidane: Good idea! --Runs off--

All: Dipsh-t...

--A little later, the members of Incineration are gathered in the War Room--

Anthony: And you want us to do WHAT?

SoFaRo: I already told you, all you have to do is play the heaviest song you know for the Digidestined, so we can run in and beat the living sh-t out of them!

Cooper: Well, I'll do it. Anytime I can help suppress homosexuality by rocking out, I will.

SoFaRo: Umm, it's not technically suppressing homosexuals, it's just preserving the sanity of Hyrule.

Cooper: Close enough.

Derek: I'll do it. I hate Digimon! It's crap!

Tiffany: Well, if they're doing it, I guess I'll have to help out too.

Zelda: Great. You guys remember where the stage is, right?

Derek: Uh, no.

Zelda: --Sigh-- Follow me. --Leads them to a huge outdoor stage--

Inviso: Now, we just need to lure the Digidestined here...

SoFaRo: I'll help, on one condition: Not it.

All but Cooper: Not it!

Cooper: But-- you know how I feel about gay stuff!

Inviso: Hey, too bad. You didn't say "Not it".

Cooper: Dammit!

2bc!

A'ight, it's now Mecha Scorpion's turn. What will happen when the most homophobic member of our crack team goes head-to-head with a metric ton of yaoi? Only the Scorpion knows! Review, bitches!

------- / -------

--Sorryabout that, it was supposed to be an ASCII art of my signature, but FF.N, in its unbridled toolbaggery, screwed it up, as well as Inviso's, which was supposed to be the Razor Sword.


	3. Insert title here!

When Bad Anime Gets Worse

By: Mecha Scorpion

All right, this chapter's gonna be a little different. For starters, less Digimon and FF. Plus, none of those… Derek Tiffany Cooper people. Whoever they are. And no script.

So, we begin!

Everyone was hanging out in the castle courtyard. Well, almost everyone. Actually, not many people. In truth, it was only the three authors (so far) and everyone in the Zelda universe. Not like that's a lot or anything.

"So," Ingo was saying, "I believe the problem is all the Pokemon perverted stuff in this town."

"Way to go, Captain Obvious," remarked Inviso snidely, sitting on top of a disgusting plushie of Pichu and Pikachu… hugging. Yeah, that's all.

"So, what-a should we do?" said Mario, of all people. Darunia kicked him out.

"Well, I think that our three authors," suggested some idiot guard with no name, "should go carry them out somewhere in Hyrule and slice them into pieces!"

"Er, one problem, Your Anonymousness!" reported some dorky little guy. "They seem to be immune to slicing!"

Link angrily flung his sword at the pile. The Master Sword bent in half. Everyone sweat dropped.

"How about burning them?" suggested Impa. "We could take them somewhere to burn them all!"

"But first we'd have to get all of them!" yelled the King of Hyrule, who ducked out of sight as soon as he was done speaking.

"Well, I thought we got most of them into the town square," shrugged Malon.

"Yes, but what about in other places of Hyrule? I received a report from the Gerudos that their valley is full up!" snarled Nabooru.

"OK," said Sovios, picking his teeth with an enormous axe thingy, "so Inviso, Mecha Scorpion and I will go collect all the Pokemon stuff, take it to the Zora land, and burn it!"

"You idiot, it's all water! You can't burn the stuff there!" roared Zidane.

"Well, excuse me," huffed Sovios.

"I have an idea," said Saria, who had been quiet throughout the whole argument so far. "We should collect all the… (shudder) stuff (wince) and carry it to Death Mountain! Then, they would burn in the lava in Dodongo Caverns!"

"That's not such a bad idea…" mused Rauru eagerly.

"So it's settled, then," said Mecha Scorpion. The world-famous Master of Satire leaned back in his royal chair, looking very pleased with himself. "I and the other two authors will carry all the Pokemon hentai, yaoi, lemons and other such nonsense to the fires of Death Mountain."

"Sounds suspicious," said Zelda. "Three short people going to a volcano to destroy a source of evil? Two of them short, one scrawny and half dead?"

"Hey! I just don't use conditioner," snarled Sovios.

"And I'm not short!" howled Inviso and Mecha at the same time.

"Whatever," smirked the Princess.

Annoyed but undaunted, Inviso, Mecha and Sovios went out on their quest.

So, what do you think? Please review!


	4. Lightyears from Sunday!

When Bad Anime Gets Worse!

Chapter 4: The formation of Lightyears from Sunday!

By: Inviso Inc. and Sovios Falchion Romantic

Note from Inviso: Yep, it's me again. We haven't found a fourth author yet, and the story ain't writing itself, so... Eh, we'll just have the fourth author write two chapters once we find him/her/it. Anyway, the show must go on! (Also, I'm gonna try my hand at writing in narrative format, on the advice of a  
certain author named Greki.)

Scene: Death Mountain Crater.

It was late in the afternoon when the three of us (Inviso Inc., Sovios Falchion Romantic, and Mecha Scorpion, in case you forgot) arrived at the crater of Death Mountain (the Dodongo's Cavern had been blocked off by rubble from the recently-demolished Fourth Wall, if you're wondering). Mecha was in front, and he stepped to the edge of the cliff and tossed his sack of yaoi garbage into the lava. I, being the impatient jackass that I am, then whirled my bag of smut over my head and threw it past him and Sovios, almost knocking them both into the lava. Suddenly, I realized something.

"Hey, I just realized something! Alert the media!" I yelled from the back of the line.

"What is it, Inviso?" asked Sovios irritably. The three of us had only been dragging the yaoi materials up the slopes of Death Mountain for three days now, but for some strange reason, everyone was cranky. "And it'd better not be something stupid like the theory of intelligent design."

"Why is that stupid?" asked Mecha.

"Because its proponents say that everything we know about biology is a lie perpetuated by evil and godless scientists who want to promote an atheistic worldview. It's total bullsh-t, because Darwin himself was a Christian--"

"Anyway!" I interrupted. "I just remembered, we're wasting our time!"

"Why?"

"Dude, the Digidestined have Authority, right? That means they can just write, draw, or fabricate more of this stuff!"

"Well, you might have said something before we left!" Sovios roared, chucking his sack at me. I simply deflected it as if it was a Ki ball and this was DBZ, sending the bag soaring into the invisible wall that surrounded the crater; it ricocheted off and fell into the lava.

"Well, I was gonna, but then Zelda called me short and clouded my mind! Actually, it kind of resembles your writing style in that respect, Sovios."

"Hey, dumbass? I LEARNED TO WRITE FROM YOU!" he bellowed.

"I never exactly said I was Shakespeare," I grinned.

"Are you two going to stand there and fight all day?" Mecha asked. "We have to go back and come up with something else."

"Sure, no problem!" I chimed. (Well, not really; my voice is too bass to do anything remotely resembling chiming.) I then whistled, summoning the Flying Nimbus. I attempted to step on it and fell through, much to the amusement of my cohorts. "Hey, what the f--k gives?" I demanded, picking myself up and dusting off my chain mail.

"You dumbass, you have to be pure of heart to ride on that thing!" Sovios cackled.

"Really?"

"Yeah! I hate DBZ and even I know that!"

"Oh. Well then, you ride it!"

Sovios burst out laughing again. "Dude, I'm a HENTAI JUNKIE, remember? That's about as far from being pure of heart as it gets before you enter NCtPtH territory!"

"Who is this NCtPtH guy you're always talking about?" Mecha asked.

"(Name changed to Protect the Horny)? He's a bisexual zoophile," Sovios replied.

Mecha looked appalled. "Why would you hang out with someone like that?"

"I don't. I met him online while looking for good H. He had some and hooked me up, but now he won't leave me alone."

"O...kay..." Mecha turned away, muttering "I'm surrounded by perverts..."

"Anyway, how are we getting back?" Sovios asked.

"Dude, we're Authors, remember? We can just warp back!"

"Wait, then why didn't we just warp here!" Mecha demanded.

"Because... uh... well, we were carrying the yaoi. You can't warp while carrying anything pornographic."

"Since when?" Sovios asked.

I performed one of my trademarked snobby-bitch eye-rolls. "Well, duh! Since ALWAYS!" I replied.

"You just didn't think of it!" Mecha replied hotly.

"Yeah, well if you're the smart one, why didn't YOU think of it!" I demanded. Mecha hesitated, realizing I had trapped him, and I warped us back to Hyrule Castle with a smug grin on my face.

Scene: Hyrule Castle, War Room.

"Oh, good, you're back!" Zelda exclaimed. "Did you get rid of it?"

"Well, yeah, but they're probably gonna have more soon," said Mecha.

"How do you figure?" We explained about the repercussions of the Digidestined's newfound Authority. "I see. So, we're basically screwed, then?"

"Sideways and up the--" I began, but was cut off by an elbow in the kidney  
courtesy of the other Authors.

"Wait!" Zelda exclaimed. "I've just had a brainstorm!"

"What is it this time?" Mecha asked.

"We can fight them... with Yu-Gi-Oh! cards!" Silence lingered in the air for a palpable second while we sweat-dropped.

"That's more of a buttstorm than a brainstorm, Zelda," Sovios finally said.

"Besides, villains always cheat. Haven't you EVER seen movies?" I added.

"Well exCUUUUUUUUUUSE ME, AUTHORS!" Zelda retorted. Twenty Rupees if you guess  
which character came in and subpoenaed her for copyright infringement of his catch phrase. Anyway, after the trial (which lasted all of five seconds because Zelda was the only one qualified to serve as judge on such a case; oddly enough, however, she was still found guilty and forced to give the plaintiff 500 Rupees), she demanded that one of us come up with a better plan.

"I still say we should use my plan!" Sovios exclaimed. "Why didn't we, anyway?" he asked Mecha.

"Because I don't know your friends, and so I can't really put them in," he replied.

"Well, then, why don't we perform instead?" I asked.

"Brilliant!" Sovios crowed, his guitar materializing in his hands. "Wait, can you two play anything?" he asked us.

"Umm, I used to play bass," I offered. "We'll need a drummer, though..."

"Don't look at me," Mecha shrugged. "I can barely play the piano." (His words, not mine, just so you know.)

"Well, we'll probably find someone. Who's gonna sing?" Sovios inquired. Behind him, Zelda began drawing on the ground with the toe of her shoe in an attempt to look modest. Without turning around, Sovios added "Forget it, Zelda. I've heard your singing."

"Obviously you haven't!" Zelda replied hotly. She then began singing in a voice eerily reminiscent of a tone-deaf transvestite on crack with a smoker's cough attempting to sing the song of a recently-castrated baby squirrel shrieking into a microphone hooked up to an active Whammy pedal on its 2 Octave Up setting that was being fast-forwarded in a cassette player from inside a hydrogen-filled balloon (because as we all know, hydrogen is lighter than helium). "Heartbreaker, you've got the best of me, but I just keep on coming back incessantly..."

"OKAY! THAT'S GOOD! WE GET THE PICTURE!" everyone else yelled at her. Just then, Sovios' Daemoness girlfriend Angel came rushing in, gladius drawn.

"Hey, is somebody putting cats into blenders in here!" she demanded.

"No, Zelda was just demonstrating her virtuosity at singing," Sovios smirked. Zelda promptly flipped him off. "No thanks, I've had better offers," he told her, grinning at Angel, who promptly slapped him across the face, almost snapping his neck in the process.

"Anyway, we're putting a band together," Mecha told her. "Can you drum?"

"Definitely!" A deluxe drum set appeared out of nowhere, and Angel sat down behind them. "What song?"

"Umm... Master of Puppets," I suggested.

"Backwards!" Sovios added.

"Hmm. Well, I'll give it a shot." With that, Angel clicked her sticks together and began drumming so fast even Sonic himself wouldn't have been able to keep up. Everyone, including myself, sat and watched, mesmerized by the performance (though Sovios' gaze was fixed upon something other than the drumming itself; specifically, two things). When the song ended, she paused for a moment to catch her breath, then asked "So, am I in?"

"Whoa... I've never heard the drum part like that before..." Sovios murmured. "You've got my vote!"

"I'm all for it," I said, "so it really doesn't matter how Mecha votes."

"Hey, I thought she did a good job too!" Mecha protested.

"Well, then, I guess you're in," Sovios told her.

"Good, 'cuz I just made that up as I went along."

"Okay, so, back to our most important problem: who's gonna sing?" I asked.

"I can do it," Mecha said.

SoFaRo looked at him. "Can you do metal vocals?"

"Sure."

"Hmm..."

"Aw, who cares how good he is? These are characters from a crappy pseudo-anime, remember? Odds are, they don't even know sh-t about good music anyway!"

"You're probably right, especially considering that the Japanese, in spite of all their technological advances, have yet to produce a really good international rock band. Well, then, Mecha can sing."

"Jeez, have a little faith in me," Mecha muttered, slightly insulted.

"Regardless, we'll need a name," Angel said. I proposed one off the top of my head, and everyone seemed to like it.

"Okay, then it's settled," Sovios declared. "Henceforth we shall be known as... The Scarlet Pimps!"

"Hey, that's not the name I picked!" I protested. "Oh, fine, Lightyears from Sunday then. But -I- get to pick the songs!"

"Whatever, just get rid of them!" Zelda yelled.

And so it was that Lightyears from Sunday was born. Now we just needed to practice...

2bc!

Sorry it was so short, but I ran out of good ideas halfway through. Writing without script is just hard!

REVIEW! NOW!

/ Inviso

XXX/

(For those of you at FF.N, there was an ASCII of the Razor Sword with my name

on it serving as my signature up there.)


	5. The concert!

When Bad Anime Gets Worse!

Chapter 5: The concert!

By: Sovios Falchion Romantic

Notes: Yeah, we still haven't found a fourth author. Good authors are hard to come by these days, ever since Shadow and Misty left. Well, whatever. Oh, and yes, there will still be script format, 'cuz I just don't care: if FF.N takes this fic down 50 times, I'll just put it back up 50 times.

Oh, and PEDOPHILIA IS BAD! ANY AND ALL PEDOPHILES SHOULD BE SANDED TO DEATH! THE SAME GOES FOR RAPE AND RAPISTS!

I forgot one thing: I apologize in advance for the censored usage, but usage nonetheless, of the n-word by a character. Granted, the character in question is a black man, but I realize that doesn't make it right for a cracker such as myself to put in such a racial slur, even in censored form.

Scene: Hyrule Castle, Amphitheater (it's an outdoor stage). Lightyears from Sunday has just finished practicing.

SoFaRo: All right, I think we're good. Let's do this!

Inviso: Umm, don't we have to have the Digidestined here?

SoFaRo: Oh yeah! I knew we were missing something... But how are we gonna get them here safely?

Angel: Well, let's review what we've ascertained about them from long-distance reconnaissance. 1: They are extremely bizarre. 2: They like to prey upon cute, weaker beings. 3: They are horny all the time.

SoFaRo: They sound kinda like NCtPtH, always going after-- --Snaps fingers-- That's it!

Mecha: What is?

SoFaRo: I'll tell you later. I've gotta take a short trip! --Takes two steps and trips over an instrument cable, then gets back up-- Now that that's out of the way, I must be off!

Angel: Where?

SoFaRo: Amsterdam, where anything goes.

Mecha: Why are you going to--? --Realizes what he's thinking-- Oh no, you're not gonna-- --SoFaRo vanishes-- Aw, hell!

Scene: Amsterdam, outside NCtPtH's pad.

SoFaRo: I sure hope he's home... --Presses doorbell, which rings to the tune of Red XIII's theme in FFVII. The intercom crackles.--

Voice: --Cockney-- All'enzi res'dence, this 'ere's Thelma.

SoFaRo: Knock it off, Horny. I need your help.

Horny: --Normal-- Oh? What, you need more H of Freya?

SoFaRo: No, not right now. It's not something I can really talk about out here, so can I come in?

Horny: All righty then, come on up. --SoFaRo steps through the door... without opening it or realizing he has just entered the house of a thousand perversions (well, more like nine or ten)--

Scene: Horny's bedroom. Pictures of various non-human male video game characters, mostly Red XIII and Kimahri, in (shall we say) compromising positions, cover the walls. To be fair, there are also some pics of human female video game characters in equally compromising positions, but these are usually partially obscured by the other smut. Now that I've scarred you for life...

Horny: So, the Digidestined are taking over Hyrule and planning to blackmail Game Freak with Pokémon yaoi, and you want moi to help you stop them?

SoFaRo: --Visibly nauseous from the pictures-- Yeah, that's about it.

Horny: There's just one problem.

SoFaRo: What?

Horny: I like Pokémon yaoi.

SoFaRo: Yeah, well, even you would hate this kind of stuff. Take a look. --Reaches into an air pocket and pulls out a sheaf of papers--

Horny: --Reading-- Hmm... Holy mother of ass! This is awful!

SoFaRo: I told you--

Horny: Look at all these spelling errors!

SoFaRo: --Facefaults--

Horny: This is a travesty! I shall not allow such a blot to be placed upon the noble art of lemon-writing!

SoFaRo: So you'll help out?

Horny: Yes! Just let me get a few things packed first.

SoFaRo: What things?

Horny: Trust me, you don't wanna know.

SoFaRo: Okay, that's it... --Vomits--

Scene: Wherever the hell Tails lives. SoFaRo and Horny are standing outside the door(s).

SoFaRo: Are you sure about this?

Horny: Hey, you said they like cute, weaker specimens, right? --Knocks on the door-- Hello? Publishers' Clearinghouse! --Nothing happens-- All right, lemme try again. --Knocks-- Pizza Hut! --Nil-- Hmm...! --Knocks again-- Would you like to become a Jehovah's Witness? --Nada--  
Dammit! --Starts pounding on the door-- Answer the door! The power of Christ compels you! --Is struck down by lightning-- Ow...

SoFaRo: Is he even home...? --Tries to peer in through the peep-hole--

Horny: --Gets up-- That's it, this calls for drastic measures!

SoFaRo: I shudder to think what those might be...

--Five minutes later, Horny is flawlessly disguised as Knuckles, thanks in no small part to SoFaRo's mastery of illusion magic. SoFaRo is hiding behind some bushes.--

SoFaRo: What makes you think this will work?

Horny: --Sounding like Knuckles-- Have you ever met a fox-morph who WASN'T at least bi-curious?

SoFaRo: Touché...

Horny: I rest my case. --Pounds on the door-- Hey, Tails! It's me, Knuckles!

Tails: --From behind the door-- Knuckles? What's up?

Horny: Umm... well, I wanted to tell you... I love you.

Tails: What...? --Opens the door--

Horny: NOW!

--SoFaRo scoops Tails up in a giant butterfly net and tightens something so that he can't get out, meanwhile de-activating Horny's disguise.--

Tails: Hey, who are you!

Horny: Look, there's no time to explain, we need your help!

Tails: So you kidnap me?

SoFaRo: Hey, it's his plan, not mine.

Tails: Let me out!

Horny: All in good time. --To SoFaRo-- Let's get out of here.

SoFaRo: --Averting eyes-- Okay, but could you, like, put your clothes back on first?

Horny: --Standing there in his skivvies-- Oh yeah... --Begins getting dressed--

Note: What? It's a word! Oh, and the males in the Sonic series don't wear clothes (except Eggman, thankfully), so it was necessary that Horny disrobe somewhat before I disguised him. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a story to write!

--Five minutes later, Horny and SoFaRo are sneaking through the jungles (are there jungles near where Tails lives?) with Tails griping in the net. Suddenly...--

Tails: --Sees someone coming-- Help! Rape! I need an adult!

Jacko: Mmm? --Comes running-- Hey, mind if I join in?

All: Oh, SH-T! --Start running away--

Jacko: Come back, little fox-boy! I have wine and porno!

SoFaRo: Goddamned Jacko! --Punches a hole in the Fourth Wall, then jumps through.--

Scene: Hyrule Castle, amphitheater. SoFaRo and Horny warp in, with Tails passed out in an opaque sack. (The shock of warping causes beings weaker than Authors to pass out. This includes most furries other than Daemons.)

Angel: OH MY GOD, IT'S MICHAEL JACKSON!

Horny: Hey! I do NOT look like that freak!

Angel: Then why are you dressed like the Captain and Tuneil all at once?

Horny: Huh? --Looks at clothes-- Dammit, Sovios!

SoFaRo: Heh heh... --Turns Horny's clothes back to normal--

Angel: And why is your nose falling off?

Horny: WHAT! --Feels face-- It is not!

Angel: Just checking.

Mecha: So this is that --shudder-- Horny guy?

Horny: In the flesh!

Mecha: --To SoFaRo-- Why did you bring him here?

SoFaRo: --Shrugs-- If you wanna beat a pervert, you gotta think like a pervert. But believe you me, I didn't want to.

Inviso: What's in the sack?

SoFaRo: One of the most annoying anthropomorphs in history.

Horny: He's not THAT annoying! Plus, he's kind of cute, like a baby!

Inviso: --Ignores Horny-- Who is it, Kimahri?

Horny: Hey, don't diss him either, he's hot!

Inviso: Umm, first of all, no, and second of all, NO! --To SoFaRo-- So, is it Kimahri?

SoFaRo: No. Do you honestly believe for a second that I could even lift Kimahri, let alone fit him into this tiny sack?

Inviso: True... is it Krystal?

SoFaRo: No, it's a guy.

Inviso: --Innocently-- I know.

SoFaRo: --Busts out laughing-- Heh... Anyway, you get one more guess.

Inviso: Can I get a multiple choice?

SoFaRo: Okay, it's either Tails, Shippo, or Cheeseball.

Inviso: Umm... Cheeseball?

SoFaRo: Close enough! --Dumps Tails unceremoniously out of the sack--

Mecha: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Inviso: The hell are you so freaked out about?

Mecha: Now we're gonna have to hear him talk!

Tails: --Wakes up-- What...? --Sees Horny-- Aaah! It's you! Where am I?

Mecha: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! --Falls down and curls up into the fetal position, covering ears-- It's like a million fingernails on the blackboard of my mind!

Horny: Will you calm down! We don't need him thinking he's helping a bunch of raving lunatics! --To Tails-- Now, just relax, nobody's gonna hurt you.

Tails: Why should I believe you? You run around in your underwear around minors, you pedophile!

Horny: --LIMIT BREAK-- I MAY BE MANY THINGS, BUT A PEDOPHILE IS NOT ONE OF THEM! --Tails is blasted into the drums by the sheer volume of Horny's voice--

Tails: Ow...

Angel: Will you stop? You're scaring him! --Helps Tails up and kneels beside him-- Now, I'm assuming that these two had a reason for kidnapping you. Don't you think that if you help them, you'll get back home sooner?

Tails: Umm... I guess I could... --Looks down slightly-- Hehe...

Angel: Hmm...? --Looks down-- You bloody f--king pervert! --Smacks Tails, sending him flying across the room and into the wall (although not with enough force for him to DBZ it)--

SoFaRo: --Shakes head-- Here's a clue, kid: Don't be thinking impure thoughts around a hot chick while you're not wearing clothes.

Tails: Okay... (6.9)

All: -.-;;

--About an hour later--

Tails: But why do you want ME to lure these guys here?

Horny: Isn't it immediately and painfully obvious? You're jailbait, kid!

Tails: How am I jailbait!

Horny: Do you really want me to explain?

SoFaRo: Hey! No Eiko-ing shall be tolerated in my awesome presence!

Horny: Oh, fine. --To Tails-- Well, for starters, you're extremely androgynous, or, in layman's terms, cute. Secondly, for every point of cuteness you gain, you lose one point of strength. And finally, you're highly intelligent, with a babyish voice that makes Mecha here cringe.

Mecha: Please, just make it stop...

Horny: You see?

Tails: I'm really... androgynous?

Horny: Obviously you haven't seen the pictures...

Tails: What pictures!

Horny: The pictures of you as a girl. Here. --Hands Tails some of the PG-rated pictures--

Tails: --Looks at pictures-- Whoa! I actually look better as a girl! Hmm... --Contemplates getting a sex change, among other things--

Horny: --Snatches the pictures back-- My god, you remind me of me at your age.

Angel: So, are you gonna help us or not?

Tails: On one condition...

Angel: What's that? --Tails whispers something in Angel's ear-- ! --Smacks him upside the head-- How old are you?

Tails: 10.

Angel: And HOW the hell did you become this f--ked-up?

Tails: Give me a break, I have to deal with Sonic and Amy all the time...

Angel: All right, new deal. Either you do this, or... I'll chop 'em off.

Tails: NOT MY TAILS!

Angel: Umm... okay, sure, I'll get those too.

Tails: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!

Angel: Then fly! Fly like the wind! And bring them back here!

Tails: Okay, okay! --Flies out of the room--

Scene: The Digidestined's camp. Through the shadows on the side of each tent,you can see certain season 2 characters (and their Digimon) getting too close for comfort. In tent 1, we have Tai, Kari, Matt, TK, and Davis; in tent 2 are Joe, Izzy, Cody, and Ken; while Yolei, Mimi, and Sora are in tent 3. Yeah, they ARE seriously f--ked-up.

Tails: Hello? Digidestined?

Tai: --Opens tent flap, wearing... well, use your imagination-- Who's there?

Tails: Umm, once you're done there, I was told to inform you that the Game Freak people are ready to negotiate their capitulation.

Tai: Huh?

Tails: They want to discuss the terms of their surrender.

Tai: Uh... Say that again, and use smaller words.

Tails: They gave up! They want you to follow me to their hideout! They've even prepared a concert for you to say they're sorry and that they won't do it again! --Digimon keychains were around (I think) before Pokemon came out... but don't quote me on that--

Tai: Oh, okay... --Looks Tails over-- Hmm...

Tails: --Gulp!-- Umm, bye! --Begins flying away--

Tai: Ha-ha! I love it when they play hard-to-get! --Yells into the tent-- Hey, guys, let's go get him!

Scene: Hyrule Castle, Amphitheater. It's pitch-black. Everyone's entering through the main doors in a single-file line, even though the seventeen other entrances are open. Obviously, they possess the intelligence of the average Pittsburgh-ese Jimmy Buffet fan. Ken's in the back.

Tai: Is this the place?

Kari: It's dark...

Davis: Yeah, the dark's only really good for one thing, and that involves 5 people, some of whom are related, their Digimon, and being alone--

--The doors slam shut on Ken, leaving dents in them but trapping him.--

Ken: --Sigh-- ...no respect at all...

--The stage lights up, revealing the band, who are protected from seeing the Digidestined's nudity by the simple fact that when bright light is shining on you, you can't see anything in the darkness behind it--

SoFaRo: Hello, mortals! Are you ready for a show so great, so earth-shattering, that it will blow your minds to Sheol?

Digi.: Hellz no!

SoFaRo: Yeah, well, f--k you. We came here to play music.

Angel: (Jim Morrison you ain't, Sovi.) --Clicks sticks together-- 1 2 3 4!

--SoFaRo plays the intro to a certain kick-ass song.--

Mecha: Caught here in a fiery blaze  
Won't lose my will to stay  
I tried  
To drive all through the night  
The heat stroke ridden weather  
The barren empty sights  
No oasis here to see  
The sand is singing deathless words to me

Digi.: Boo! (For those of you viewing this on FF.N, there were originally 4 exclamation points here.)

Inviso: You don't like them! Then, how about this? --Inviso begins playing a riff on his bass while the other instruments are silent. After it repeats, SoFaRo's guitar comes in doing a simple three-cord riff before going crazy.--

Mecha: When you look you see right through me  
Cut the rope I fell to my knees  
Born and broken every single time  
Always keep me under finger  
That's the spot where you run to me  
Might see some type of pleasure in my mind

Digi.: Boo! (3 exclamation points)

SoFaRo: All right, then how about this?

--Really fast intro--

Mecha: WHY DO THEY ALWAYS SEND THE POOR?  
Barbarisms by Barbaras  
With pointed heels  
Victorious Victorias kneel  
Brand new spanking deals  
Marching forward hypocritic and hypnotic computers  
You depend on our protection  
Yet you feed us lies from the tablecloth  
La la la la la la la la la la  
Oooh

Digi.: Boo! (2 exc.)

Mecha: Rrgh...

SoFaRo: Hey, let me try for a minute.

--Cool bluesy slide-guitar intro--

SoFaRo: In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey  
Butane in my veins and I'm out to cut the junkie  
With the plastic eyeballs, spray-paint the vegetables  
Dog-food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose  
Kill the headlights and put it in neutral  
Stock-car flamin' with a loser and the cruise control  
Baby's in Reno with the vitamin D  
Got a couple of couches, sleep on the loveseat  
Someone came in sayin' I'm insane to complain about a shotgun wedding  
and a stain on my shirt  
Don't believe everything that you breathe, you get a parking  
violation and a maggot on your sleeve  
So shave your face with some mace in the dark  
Savin' all your food stamps and burnin' down the trailer park  
Yo. Cut it.

Digi.: Boo!

SoFaRo: Philistines! Take it, Mecha!

Mecha: Long ago  
Just like a hearse you die to get in again  
We are  
So far from you --Guitar, bass, and drum begin--  
Burning on  
Just like a match you start to incinerate  
The lives of everyone you knew  
And what's the worst you take  
From every heart you break  
And like a blade you stake  
Well I've been holding on tonight

Digi.: Boo?

SoFaRo: (Hey, guys, I think I get it! The poppier the songs we play are, the less they hate 'em!)

Mecha: (But we didn't practice any more songs!)

SoFaRo: (Yeah, but I know one by ear. I'll handle vocals if you don't know it.) --Begins playing a one-chord riff--

Digi: Hmm?

Mecha: (Limp Bizkit! What's the matter with you?)

SoFaRo: (Hey, it was either this or Sublime! I can only figure out songs with one chord! Anyway...)  
It's just one of those days  
When you don't wanna wake up  
Everything is f--ked up  
Everybody sucks!  
You don't really know why  
But you wanna justify  
Rippin' someone's head off  
No human contact  
And if you interact  
Your life is on contract  
Your best bet is to stay away  
Motherf--ker  
It's just one of those days!

--The Digidestined begin nodding as the song goes on, and start waving glow-sticks toward the end.--

Mecha: (What do we do now? They still haven't lowered their guards.)

SoFaRo: (Hmm...?) --Looks out at the Digidestined, who are now holding up British royal guards-- (Well, you can take five, Mecha. Angel, I hate to ask this, but...)

Angel: (You mean, plan Foxtrot-Uniform-Charlie-Kilo-November-Oscar?) --Yes, that's "F--K NO" in radio code--

SoFaRo: (Yep.)

Angel: (You're gonna owe me SO much for this, Sovi.) --Takes Mecha's mike--

SoFaRo: (I know...) --Changes his guitar into a keyboard-- Hey, Digidestined?We've decided to play one more song for you, okay?

Digi.: W00t!

SoFaRo: (Guys, it's been a pleasure.) --Begins playing a horrifically and sickeningly happy, upbeat, and poppy melody on the keyboard.--

Angel: You're giving me  
Too many things  
Lately you're all I need  
Don't get me wrong I love you  
But does that mean I have to walk on water?  
When we are older then you'll understand  
What I meant when I said "No  
I don't think it's quite that simple"  
When you walk away  
You don't hear me say  
"Please  
Oh baby don't go  
Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight  
It's hard to let it go"

--By now the Digidestined are jumping, headbanging, and otherwise rocking out, with the exception of Ken, who's still stuck in the doors but rocking out nonetheless. The song ends, thankfully, after another minute.--

Mecha: (Now?)

SoFaRo: (Wait for the signal.) Thank you, Digidestined, you've been a great audience! Now, please put your heads between your knees and kiss your sorry asses goodbye! --Pick-scrapes-- (Now!)

--Tails, Lightyears from Sunday, and the normal inhabitants of Hyrule Castle and Hyrule Castle Town are teleported away as a hydrogen bomb is dropped into the amphitheater, destroying it and killing the Digidestined and their Digimon.--

Scene: Kakariko Village. SoFaRo is standing on a rooftop, gazing out at the ruins of Hyrule Castle.

SoFaRo: It's over, but the sacrifice was great. Harkinian, Zelda, I did not wish for you to die. Such is the fate of mortals--

King: Hey, dumbass, I'm right here!

Zelda: Same here!

SoFaRo: ...Do you ALWAYS have to ruin my big dramatic moments!

Zelda: What big dramatic moment? You just ripped that off from the unused fifth ending of Castlevania: Symphony of the Night!

SoFaRo: --Pensively-- ...this is true...

Evil voice: So, you think you've won!

SoFaRo: Dracula! You're alive?

Evil voice: Dracula? Do I look like Dracula to you?

SoFaRo: I can't tell what you look like, dipsh-t, you're a disembodied voice!

Evil voice: Oh. How's... this! --Appears, revealing himself to be...--

All: Gasp!

Zelda: Ganondorf! What do you mean, we haven't won?

Ganondorf: Cognitive skills a little slow today, Zelda? I'm saying, it was I who game the Digidestined their Authority!

SoFaRo: That's impossible, you'd have to be an Author yourself to do that!

Ganondorf: Oh, but I am! I studied writing under the greatest writer of all time-- the queen of all media, in fact!

All: Who?

Ganondorf: Ann Coulter.

SoFaRo: WHAT! YOU'RE SAYING THAT PSYCHOTIC BITCH IS THE QUEEN OF ALL MEDIA!

Chris Tucker: N---a what you smokin'!

Ganondorf: Ibuprofen and beer, because I wish to become a deadhead and follow in her footsteps!

SoFaRo: Y'know, her being a deadhead explains a hell of a lot.

Mecha: How so?

SoFaRo: Well, think about it. She overdoses on cocaine while listening to Gore Vidal or someone on the radio, then somehow survives and blames liberals for her own stupidity. It makes perfect sense, from a psychological standpoint.

Mecha: Hmm...

Ganondorf: Hello? --Snaps fingers-- This is not about you, this is about me, remember?

Inviso: Oh, right, your diabolical plan. What are you gonna do now that we killed the Digidestined?

Ganondorf: Fools, you've only killed the characters from the first and second seasons! --The first and second seasons are linked.--

SoFaRo: Oh sh-t, I forgot! There are two more seasons!

I + M: WHAT!

SoFaRo: Well, no problem, we'll just kill them the same way.

Ganondorf: You won't be able to! I have laid such enchantments upon them that only the Master Sword will be able to kill them!

Link: But the Master Sword's been bent since Chapter 3!

Ganondorf: Exactly, and... what's so funny?

Tails: --Laughing hysterically-- Hee hee, you said "laid"!

Ganondorf: --To the others-- If I kill him, will you come after me for revenge?

All: Nope.

Ganondorf: Oh. Well, whatever. --Is about to stomp on Tails' head when a network censor appears with a blinding flash of light--

Network censor: Excuse me, which one of you is Sovios Falchion Romantic?

SoFaRo: Umm... --Points at Ganondorf-- He is.

Ganondorf: What! You lie!

SoFaRo: No, it's true! He was writing the whole thing!

Network censor: Well, whichever one of you he is, I'm presenting you with a (9 times ten-to-the-power-of-one-hundred-decillion-to-the-power-of-one-hundred-decillion)-dollar fine for obscenity. --It's the largest number I could get to without using the word googol, which I know would only confuse people. For those of you who don't know scientific notation, the 9 is the first digit, and the ten-to-the-power-of-one-hundred-decilion is the number of zeroes after it.--

SoFaRo: Obscenity? HOW THE F--K IN F--KING HELL IS MY F--KING STORY F--KING OBSCENE?

Network censor: According to President Bush's new plan for the FCC, implications of and preparations for excessively callous acts of violence now qualify as obscenity, and are grounds for --NC is slashed to ribbons by SoFaRo's arm-blades, but each ribbon grows into a new censor.-- fining by the FCC.

SoFaRo: I DON'T CARE! F--K YOU, F--K BUSH, AND F--K YOUR PRECIOUS FCC!

Network censors: Oh my... I've just been informed that the fine has been multiplied by ten to the 100-decillionth power again.

SoFaRo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! --Grabs a knife and tries to perform seppuku-- What the--? Where the hell are my blood and internal organs?

Network censors: We had to repossess them since you couldn't pay your debt.

SoFaRo: GAAAAAAAH! --Douses himself in gas and tries to light himself on fire-- What? WHY AM I NOT BURNING TO DEATH?

Network censors: It's bad for the oil companies if you kill yourself that way.

SoFaRo: F-------------------------------------------------------------------K!

Network censors: Tsk, tsk, tsk. At this rate, you're never gonna pay off your debt. Why can't you be more like the Disney screenwriters?

SoFaRo: That's the dumbest f--king thing I've ever... --a light of understanding dawns on him, thanks to a conveniently-placed AV technician-- I mean, that's brilliant. I'll get right on it.

Network censors: Good. I'm glad to see you've decided to accept the new world order. I'll see you around. --They vanish in a blinding flash of light--

Ganondorf: ...What the heck just happened? Hey, why can't I swear?

SoFaRo: --Sweetly... well, as sweetly as a guy's voice gets-- Oh, my, such language! Anyway, friend, I have just been fined an obscene sum by the Federal Communism Commission for obscenity. In addition, my Authority has been repossessed, gosh darn it! So, I am left with no choice but to make this story kid-friendly; thus, there will be no more lemons being thrown around, nor will there be any swearing. However, I would like to take this opportunity to say that THIS IS saving me from my own EVIL ways, and that, if anyone out there wants to HELP ME, they would most certainly not start by embarking on a dangerous mission to GET MY AUTHORITY BACK! In addition, I would like to say to them that IF YOU DO, YOU WILL not BE RICHLY REWARDED! Oh, and Ganondorf? Your personality should be adjusting shortly. Urrgh... --Falls to the ground, then gets up a moment later with a vacant look in his eyes and wanders off--

Ganondorf: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! --To the others-- Come on, you guys are Authors! Can't you do something about this?

Mecha: I don't know if we should; I mean, our job here is basically done, right? If the story's kid-friendly, there can't be any yaoi thrown around.

Inviso: But what about your supposed hatred of communism? Censorship is ten googolplex times more communistic than Geico and Canada combined!

Mecha: Ten googolplex? Hmm...

Angel: Besides, look at what's happening! --Points at SoFaRo, Loving (formerly known as Horny), and Tails, who are now seated around a table playing Chutes and Ladders (because I forgot the rules to Candy Land)--

Tails: Hee hee! I win!

SoFaRo: Good game! How about another?

Loving: I'm up for that!

Mecha: --Shudder-- Okay, so maybe it's not perfect, but...

Inviso: --Thinks for a moment-- But you forget! Hyrule is a land of sword and sorcery! If it weren't for violent, action-packed fight scenes, it would cease to exist as we know it!

Mecha: Wait-- there's no violence allowed?

Angel: Nope. See, watch. --Tries to kick Inviso in the nuts, but her foot stops three feet from the critical point and drops back to its original position--

Mecha: Well, that's just not right! --Smashes a new hole in the Fourth Wall and jumps through--

Inviso: That wasn't so hard. --Tries to go through the hole, but is elbowed out of the way by Ganondorf-- Hey, what the heck?

Ganondorf: Hey, I have Tourette's, okay? I gotta swear! Besides, I might actually be of help to you! --Leaps through the hole--

Inviso: Well, okay then... --Tries to go through again, but is blocked by Angel-- Why are you going? You're not even an Author!

Angel: --Gives Inviso her best "don't f--k with me bitch" look, which alone would be quite terrifying, but is absolutely devastating when her feline appearance is taken into account--

Inviso: Eep! Shutting up! --Angel nods and steps through-- Crazy witch... --Backs up and gets a running start, then lunges at the hole, only to crack his head against the newly-repaired Fourth Wall-- What! --Tries to smash a hole through it, but hurts his hand-- NOOOOOOOO! --Begins pounding frantically on the wall-- DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!

SoFaRo: --Turns to face Inviso-- Hey, Inviso! We need a fourth person to play the Happy Days game! Come on!

Inviso: Oh, god...

--2bc!--

Yes, I know, I lose points in the originality department, and it wasn't always in the best of taste (but come on! You've gotta admit, Tails is totally jailbait! And why couldn't he be a pervert?), but it's not entirely my fault; I ran out of good ideas, and actually had to e-mail Horny for advice! Do you know how crippling to my self-esteem that was? Do you? DO YOU, BITCH! Well, hopefully, Mecha can work with this plot direction a little better than the last one I came up with; I forgot that he didn't know my friends, and that he very well couldn't put them in if he didn't know how they acted. Anyway, I hope all you Tails-haters liked the beatings! (And yes, the whole hint of Knuckles x Tails romance was a bit of "fanservice" and shameless self-promotion on the part of Horny, which I only decided to put in because thought it was almost marginally humorous. I swear, if it didn't make sense that Tails would be gay... what? He goes around following Sonic all the time like a freaking lap dog, for God's sake! What's next? Is he gonna ride around in a pink designer handbag with Amy? Tails is a 'mo, my friend, he is a 'mo!) Anyway, I'm out of here, so REVIEW! OR I SHALL SMITE THEE!

---SoFaRo, Patron Saint of Mediocrity

POST-CHAPTER DISCLAIMER: I do not own the song Bat Country by Avenged Sevenfold, nor do I own Velvet Revolver's Slither, System of a Down's Bring Your Own Bombs, Beck's Loser, My Chemical Romance's Helena, or Limp Bizkit's Break Stuff (the only Limp Bizkit song that's any good, in my opinion). I also do not own or wish to own the horrifically sucky Jpop song "Simple and Clean", which can be found polluting the soundtrack of the horribly cliché but incredibly addictive game Kingdom Hearts. However, as I have made no claim as to the ownership of these songs, it makes little difference. I'm not getting paid for this, sadly. I also do not own ANYTHING ELSE! ...except Angel, myself, and the title "Patron Saint of Mediocrity". Inviso Inc. and Mecha Scorpion own themselves.

PS: Castlevania: Symphony of the Night is the greatest PlayStation game ever (with the obvious exception of FFVII)!


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